A hollow victory and short lived celebration

I like to share my parenting experiences with my husband while he’s at work. Lucky him, right? Here’s the message he got this afternoon while my 3-year old was losing his mind over meringue cookies.

To: Mr. G
From: Your wife (aka- all the greatest good you’ll ever need)
Subject: This weekend and tonight FYI

I have a PTA meeting tonight. I’m taking the snack so I’ll leave as soon as you get home so I can get stuff set-up. You guys are having soup. I’ll try to feed the children before you get here because they already hate it.

Book club is Friday night. We’re going to [a restaurant] so I won’t be out late.

A____ is spending the night on Friday.

JP has social skills at 10 on Saturday.

J__ A___ wants XC to come to the firehouse tour for his birthday, also at 10 on Saturday. XC is invited to cake and lunch at the A____’s house after.

S____ A____’s birthday party is at 2:30 at the swimming dome. SG is invited to that. JP is too, but he’s been kind of a dick to me and his teacher the last two days so I’m not sure if he gets to go or not.

We can figure out logistics tonight. I can’t think very well right now because XC is standing right next to me screaming bloody effing murder because I had the audacity to let Jack and Sam have some of the meringue cookies.

Ignore
……….
Ignore
……….
Ignore
……….
I just took the cookie container away from him because, holy shit, there’s like a dozen meringues in that little box and I only gave Sam and Jack four meringues apiece. Perspective, you know?
……….
……….
……….
I made him ask nicely for the return of the meringue container.
……….
……….
……….
He’s still pissed about the eight missing meringues.
……….
And, lo, he’s screaming again.
……….
Ignore
……….
Ignore
……….
Ignore
……….
Aw hell. He’s climbed into my lap and is screaming in my ear.
……….
Ignore
……….
Ignore
……….
Ignore
……….
This is not fun.
……….
This is neat. Epic screaming. He has excellent lung capacity and a nice range. I wonder if the London Boys’ Choir needs a mezzo-soprano? Do they take preschoolers?
……….
Ignore
……….
Ignore
……….
He’s really wound tight.
……….
Jesus H. Christ.
……….
Ignore
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Ignore
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Ignore
……….
……….
……….
OH SNAP. HANG ON.

He stopped screaming and whimpered, “Mommy, may I please have some cookies?” Then he nicely asked to watch Power Rangers Dinosaurs.

I won?
I won.
I WON!

And then, idiot that I am, I took to Facebook to proclaim my parenting prowess:
for the first time in 10 years of parenting…
I won. I WON. I SUBDUED THE BEAST AND WON!!! [insert raucous applause and confetti here]. It’s close enough to 5. Tequila for everyone! You get a shot! You get a shot! YOU GET A SHOT!

FIve minutes later the tequila invitation was rescinded:
The victory was hollow and short-lived. Gimme back the glasses. Party over.

I will never again underestimate the fragile emotional state of an overtired toddler.

 

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