This actually happened

…at dinner.

[I sit at one end of the table, Mr. G at the other. SG and XC sit to my left on the bench, JP is on my right.]

SG: JP was running around the school today.

Me: Huh?

SG: Uh-huh. He was.

Me: What? What are you talking about? (look at JP)

JP (blithely, as though this is a normal occurrence): I did. I ran around it two whole times.

Me: When?

JP: At school.

Me: No, when? At recess?

JP: No.

Me: I don’t understand.

Mr. G: JP, what were you doing? Were you outside?

JP: No.

Mr. G: So, what, you were just running around the inside of school during the day?

JP: No.

SG: He was. I saw him.

Me: Okay. I don’t…I don’t understand what you’re talking about.

JP: I ran around the school. Twice.

Me: WHEN? During class?

JP: No.

Mr. G: Did you leave the building?

JP: No.

Mr. G: Okay, JP, explain to us what happened. Did your teacher let you leave?

JP: No. I just decided I was going to go so I did.

(I get up to check the caller ID because, even though I was home all afternoon, I’m convinced that somewhere along the lines I missed a message. Nope. No calls from school. Then I check my email. Nothing. I look back and forth between SG, JP and Mr. G feeling confused as hell because the conversation is going no-fucking-where.)

SG: Yeah, Katie’s mom came out and asked if they knew that JP was running around.

Me: Where were you?

SG: Outside. With Amy*.

Me: So this was at the end of the day?

Mr. G: JP, had the bell rung?

JP: No.

(I put my head in my hands and look down at my plate of scrambled eggs and listen to more of the discussion. Which I still really don’t understand.)

Me (looking at Mr. G): I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS! Do you know what the hell is going on? Because I’m really confused.

Mr. G: I’ve got nothing.

Four hours later I still don’t know what the hell happened. The only things I know for certain are that he managed to slip away from his teacher during dismissal time and that he ran around the school. Twice. Before the secretary called him to the office. I talked to Amy. She doesn’t know what happened (except that he ran all the way home and arrived a good five minutes before the rest of the pack).

At bedtime, JP alluded that he was upset over¬†supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. THE HECK? I just…I have no idea. Except JP will be getting an escort to his classroom in the morning courtesy of his dad and I. He’ll also be apologizing for giving his teacher and Amy near-panic attacks.


*Amy is my friend and neighbor. She, our other neighbor Andrea, and I will often pick each other’s kids up from school and walk them home. God bless her for not throttling my son and being able to laugh about it.


2 thoughts on “This actually happened

  1. Last week he decided that he was going to emulate other students’ (inappropriate) behaviors. One of the kids in his class is a runner- always has been (said child also has psychological and neurological issues that JP does NOT have). Anyway, the teacher jokingly said, at the end of the day, “Okay guys! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Spell “it”! JP does not know how to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious so in a pique of anger he did a couple laps around the inside of the school.

    After talking to his teacher and his therapist, he and I had a meeting of the minds and he came to the understanding that if he can’t pull his shit together and behave in class, and if other students are being that much of a disruptive influence, he will do school. At home. With me. Where I will also make him clean.

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