For the vast majority of this new year I’ve been in survival mode and I am utterly exhausted.
It’s not like 2011 ended on a fabulous bang. The older children were home from school for over two weeks. Two weeks. While home there was vomiting (JP) and lice (SG) and a general sense of indignation and outrage that put someone (XC) in a Very Bad Mood. I’m fairly certain we didn’t leave the house the entire second week of their break. Y’all, our house isn’t that big, and when you’re stuck, in one place, for a long period of time, with people who are irritating you, the space just gets smaller.
And then! Then! The children went back to school [insert Hallelujah Chorus here] BUT (the dirty bastard cousin of however) on the same day the children went back to school, Mr. G went on a business trip for three nights.
Holy shit. Hold me and pass a bottle of something alcoholic.
And we spent that week discombobulated and emotional and tired. Oh my hell. I was so very, very tired. Poor XC was completely thrown off by the big kids being home, invading his space, getting all up in his grill (nope, can’t pull that statement off. damn.) and just generally pissing him off. Then the Daddy Person left. Which was even more disconcerting. And there was rushing about in the mornings and me yelling GET. YOUR. SHOES. ON! and the house was a pit of despair of clutter, and Christmas decor that had been partially packed up to be put away, and so many new toys. Chaos. The little person didn’t sleep well. At all. And ended up in bed with me. My own, personal 25 lb. human blanket. Guess how much sleep I didn’t get? For nearly a week. So this week I’m trying to catch-up on everything, sleep included, and failing SPECTACULARLY!
Other items of disinterest: My thyroid medication dose is off. I have significant motivation problems when my thyroid medication is off. And exhaustion. And feeling wonky. And my hair and nails are gross. I also missed three straight weeks of therapy and had to deal with the serious cluster fuck of Christmas without my therapists. I got roped into this project for a board I’m on. Honestly? I don’t really want to…but I can’t tell if that’s genuine or just my thyroid talking. And I need to get to work on planning the school carnival in May. A friend of mine (hi, Carrie!) wrote me a really lovely note that I appreciate so, so much. But have I emailed her back? No. Why? Because I want to send a nice, Meaningful Email and there hasn’t been time to be thoughtful. And I haven’t talked to my friend Kelli in for-fucking-ever because 1) my house is such a cluttered pit I often can’t find the phone; and 2) XC is forfeiting naps AND discovered the joy of talking on the phone. Those two combined make ringing people up rather difficult.
The Shit I Really Ought To Attend To RIGHT DAMN NOW List is growing by the day.
Like, really, a lot overwhelmed.
Yesterday I realized that I’ve social networked the shit out of myself: personal email, joint email, work email, blog email, Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook chat, GoodReads, this blog, Words With Friends, Hanging With Friends, Yammer, Stumbleupon, iChat, Google Chat, Wanelo.
That’s a lot.
Lately it’s too much. Too, too, much.
My house is chaos.
My mind is chaos.
I’m stressed, and tired, and running on empty.
I constantly feel hurried and rushed and late- for everything- even if I’m on time.
Surviving needs to stop. Living, being present, needs to start.
This weekend I will not check email. Or work. I will not be on Facebook. Or Twitter. Or any other time suck my computer offers. Nothing.
I’ve got five books from the library to read. I plan to get through at least two. I want to hang out in my fuzzy socks and yoga pants. I want to relax and start next week with a tidy house, a rested body, and a refreshed attitude.
Sometimes, to reconnect with yourself, you need to disconnect from the world. I’m so looking forward to this.