Who, exactly, are “they”?

As previously mentioned, my parents bought a computer. Even though it’s only been 36-hours and the damn thing hasn’t left the box, frustrations are mounting.

My favorite conversation of the Great Computer Fiasco of 2011 thus far:

Mom: Can I just call and have them turn on the internet?

Me: Who’s “them?”

Mom: I don’t know. Whoever I call.

Me: No. (I then gave her an abbreviated explanation of how that process would work.)

Mom: Oh. Okay. But who do I call?

Me: Comcast.

Mom: I’M NOT GIVING THEM ANY MORE OF MY MONEY*. Can’t I go through Sage?

Me: They have dial-up. You don’t want dial-up.

Mom: Who else can I use?

Me: AT&T, I think.

Mom: No, I don’t like them.

Me: Then you’ll have to use Comcast until Sure West is out there.

Mom: When will that be?

Me: No idea.

Mom: Dammit!

This morning we had a 2o minute conversation about modems and routers that, I kid you not, made us both want to scream. I tried to explain to her, in terms I would use if I were talking to my kids (not condescendingly, just in the easiest terms possible), WHY she had to have a modem and a router.

I got yelled at.

She doesn’t “want a lot of crap” and a modem and router constitute a lot of crap.

I’ve now requested that they return the computer and just let me handle email**. She told me it would be too much of a hassle. For me. Yeah. Because this situation is SO MUCH FUN.

My only hope is the existence of magical gnomes.

*They have a gargantuan Hi-Def TV but they refuse to pay the $5 more a month (on their $200+ cable bill) because “I’m not giving Compost any more of my money than I absolutely have to!”

**This whole fucking thing started because they got a new motorcycle and joined a bike club. The bike club communicates via emails thus convincing my father they needed a computer.

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