Lord have mercy. My parents just purchased their first computer. On the upside, they took my advice and bought a Mac. The downside: they have no clue what they’re doing, and they want me to help them.
The last time I attempted to teach them to use a computer was Winter Break 1995. My mother and I didn’t speak for a week afterward. Then again, they did give me a computer that has since been named the worst computer of all time.
I predict the following will happen:
1. Rage over how long it takes Comcast to hook-up the internet. (This will be my fault.)
2. Confusion over email. (This will be my fault.)
3. A lecture on how I’m doing it wrong. Even though I own an identical MacBook Pro. And an iMac. I won’t have a damn clue what I’m doing.
4. No less than three phone calls a day because _________ doesn’t make sense. (This will be my fault.)
5. Lectures (because where they’re concerned there are always lectures).
6. Them giving me helpful pointers I already know.
7. Bitching me out because “I hate that damn computer,” (Y’all, I can already hear it in my head.) and somehow, some way, their choice to get a computer is going to be my fault.
8. More unsolicited advice my mother has procured thanks to her discovery of Dr. Oz, Good Morning America and Ellen’s websites. She will become an expert on weight loss, child rearing, ADHD, and potty training.
9. A request for my blog address (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No. Not.gonna.happen.)
10. A fight that will start out as the computer stuff being all my fault, and will end with how deficient I am at life in general (if I would just try harder…).
Won’t this be fun? I’m so excited that I’m actually thinking of asking my therapist for two sessions a week.