A true story*, as told by my father:
“So, I was getting out of my car at the post office and this lady stopped me and said, ‘Do you really need to park there?’ (note: they have a handicap placard that hangs in their window) And I stopped and I looked at her and said, ‘Did you have sex last night?’ She got all flustered and pissed and says, ‘Excuse me?’ and I said, ‘Did. you. have. sex. last. night?” (at this point, according to Dad, three men had stopped to listen to the conversation). She puts her hands on her hips and goes, ‘Where do you get off asking me a question like that?’ So I told her, ‘Same place you get off asking me a question like that.’ And those three guys? They were cracking up and I went inside and mailed my package. Fuck her.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is an excellent way to deflect personal questions that someone (especially a stranger) really has no place asking.
Well said, Dad. Well said.
*I’m willing to bet this is 98% true as my dad is a) quick witted and b) has no filter. Also, I got yelled at by my mom for “encouraging him” because I was laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. My dad rocks.